As time goes by the ever growing population is giving way to a tedious traffic situation, which is becoming as frustrating as your ball-sack getting stuck to your inner-thigh on a warm summer day. But traffic isn’t brought upon us simply by the volume of vehicles on our roads, it is sometimes the direct result of a number of idiots we share our roads with; here is my personal top ten idiots on the Maltese roads;
10. The hungry double parker
Yes everyone was in a hurry at times and everyone found himself double parking. But when it’s rush hour and you are double parking in a busy single lane street to buy pastizzi; then sir you are an asshole.
9. The posh Qashqai driver
I don’t want to be sexist, but on numerous occasions I have encountered a blond malt-english speaking woman driving a Qashqai the same way the Titanic maneuvered at sea. Why the hell do you buy larger than usual cars if you can’t even park an IQ?
8. The inconsiderate bus driver
Why the fudge do we have convenient bus stops for bus drivers to pull into without holding up traffic if no one bothers using them. Might as well use them as parking spots and put stickers on the back of buses saying ‘Ħallini Tridx?!’.
7 . The speed camera phobic
Just because the speed limit in a speed camera area is 70kmph, it doesn’t mean you need to drive at 20kmph just in case.
6. The guy/gal constantly crashing when it’s raining
Ok so the roads are slippery when damp, and the state of our roads is akin to those in Syria. Combine both and it makes driving conditions rather hard for most. So why are you chatting on facebook and/or speeding in these conditions when you are clearly not even able to eat a custard cream properly, let alone drive safely in the rain… moron.
5. The talkers
We all have encountered them, and they come in all shapes and sizes. Two drivers in opposite ways stopping to have a chat in the middle of the goddamn road… ‘Hey long time no see mate, I can’t hear you over the blasting horns in the fucking background, but it’s been nice catching up’.
4. The heavy vehicles
Not a general complaint, but sometimes these inconsiderate beings, think it’s fine to ignore stop signs, and it’s ok to drive at 40kmph in the fast lane with perhaps a buddy on the slow lane travelling at the same speed just to fuck with everybody.
3. The guy/gal who can’t indicate
Maybe it’s a coincidence or maybe not, but BMW and Mercedes owners seem too thick to understand the concept of indicator lights (a.k.a. Turning signals). Being on the road with these idiots is like playing a game of cluedo, is he turning left, is he turning right, am I going to spend the rest of the day scraping parts of his car from my bullbar? Who knows…
2. The horsey
It is 2016, for the love of all that is holy, why are you still clinging to horse drawn carriages. Not only is it cruel to the poor animal pulling a fat shit around, but it holds up traffic in the worst times, in the worst locations. Just buy a Fiat, it requires the same kind of maintenance.
1. The lunatic taxi driver
I reserved my top spot to the maniacs driving white taxis at one million miles an hour, ignoring stop signs and traffic lights alike, trying to squeeze in between traffic, and swerving through traffic like they’re are the goddamn reincarnation of Senna; all this whilst transporting tourists to the airport. Congratufuckinglations there is a special place in hell for ya.